By Ysanne Neal
Dear the co-habitant of the upstairs front bedroom of 85 Postern Close,
I will start this letter by highlighting the fact I am no prude, I am a young 22 year old girl who enjoys sex as much as the next person.
However, I have come to the conclusion, after weeks of trying to muffle out your screams of ecstasy with my pillow, that I don’t enjoy it quite as much as you do.
(Photo by Klixy, Wikimedia Commons)
I hate to complain, I really do, but I have three jobs, I get to bed late and I wake up early. I look forward to returning home after a long day and savouring the five or so hours of sleep I get between jobs before having to be up again in the morning. This sleep has recently been reduced down to significantly less on account of your very active and vocal sex life.
I know what you’re thinking, “She’s just jealous!” Well yes, perhaps a little; almost every night, several times in one night, even at frequent intervals during the day sometimes. Lucky you! You go girl! Rock on! Etc. etc.
However, the decibel level of said ‘enjoyment’ is getting a tad much. Last night’s antics in particular were pretty much off the Richter scale. I’m sure it’s not on purpose and whilst I want everyone to live their life to the fullest, c’est la vie and so on and so forth, I would like to politely request that you try, even a teeny tiny bit, to reduce the volume.
Just to a level that doesn’t make me feel like I’m sat on the end of your bed.
Alternatively, if you feel this is out of the question, I have enclosed an additional remedy, which may even spice up your sex life, depending on what you’re into. [I enclosed masking tape.]
(Photo by Japanwelt, Wikimedia Commons)
Jokes aside, I hope you appreciate what I am asking, I get very cranky without sleep, I also hope you don’t feel too embarrassed by my approaching you directly. I pondered going to the property management company by struggled to find the words to explain my dilemma whilst a) being taken seriously and b) not appearing to look like some pervert with a glass up to the wall.
I’ll leave it to you to decide whether or not this is a case.
The co-habitant of the upstairs front bedroom of 86 Postern Close
To read Ysanne’s first letter, see Who doesn’t love a delayed train?
Or for another letter to neighbours, check out A letter to my downstairs neighbours